Grandma’s words from years before came back to me in a rush as it all started on the Lanai, reconnecting after twenty some odd years with an old friend from my senior year of high school. For over twenty years, our lives had taken us in different directions. Me to other states, school, work, marriage, children, and a not so happy life for many years. My kids kept me going, grounded me, and held me in place trying to insure their happiness and well being. Him pretty much the same but closer to his family and friends here where we graduated.
My grandmother predicted our re-connection many years before she passed, and at the time I didn’t know what to think of her cryptic premonitions. I had learned to not doubt her, as previous experience had quite literally shown me that the lady was truly gifted in some way or another. To me, that was one piece of the puzzle that she must have had wrong. She even went so far as to give me a specific name of my true soul mate, a good fifteen years before, not to mention she told me this a at least 10 years before her passing. She always stuck to her guns on this matter. I, in the back of my mind always secretly hoped she was right once again on this one. I was so miserable in my life as it was. The only truly good thing in my life was my boys while I was married to someone who she made quite clear was not where my heart would reside to the end of my days. Her words always stuck in the back of my mind. She told me of someone who would love me so completely, and unconditionally. Someone who shared my deepest dreams and desires for life in general. Someone who would never berate me, abuse me in any way, or belittle me. Someone who was patient and kind, and would make me and my heart whole. Someone who would provide me all the happiness I could dream of. At the same time, someone that I would make whole… My soul mate. She advised when the time was truly right it would happen, and I would know without a doubt, and even gave me his first name.
That name haunted me for years. My life in general was misery. I tried to put my kids first, but the wrong one made it so hard. The wrong one slowly isolated me from the outside world. Funny, when you are living it, living in constant negativity, sadness, and misery it is hard to see. When you are isolated from your family who has always been such a huge part of your life, you just don’t see what you become. My grandmother continued to come to me in my dreams. Always sitting at her 1970’s kitchen table talking about life, as we had so often done before her death. You can think what you want, but in my darkest hours, she always appeared in my dreams and we sat at that table and she helped me through. She helped me see that staying for the reasons I was was no longer working. My boys were older, and things were only getting worse and more scary. My life as I knew it needed to change in a big way, if it did not, then my life would end completely by his hand. She helped me see how very unstable the wrong one was. She also always told me that he was not the one, that the right one with that special name was out there, and told me now the time was right.
It was time for me to do what would make me happy, I had to save not only myself, but my youngest, that there was nothing more I could do for my oldest. I had to get us both out of that environment. She reminded me yet again that no matter what, my family would be there for me.
I finally plucked up the courage and said the words I had felt for almost two decades. My family was spurred into action, my parents are the most supportive, loving forgiving people I think I have ever encountered. They helped me get out. They took my son and I in without hesitation. I left a successful career, and my life of misery behind me. It took me a long time to realize that thousands of miles now separated me from the wrong one, and that no longer did he have control over me. No longer could he continue to make me feel like I was worthless and nothing, and no longer could he hurt me.
Then it began on the lanai… My journey that ended me here on Off-Kilter Acres. Grandma sure knew her stuff. I can honestly say that I am finally truly happy. The sense of content I felt was at first so foreign to me that I was actually unsure what it was. I was continually waiting for the “other shoe to fall”. I know, without a doubt that this life I am living now is the one Grandma spoke of for me. She knew all along this was the life that I was meant to have. This was the man who not only would accept me as I am, love me unconditionally, and do his very best to give me my true heart’s desire. That I am happier with the simple things, as I truly do take more after her than not. Life on the farm is simple and quiet. I am happier with the gift of a pig than jewels purchased on credit to show ownership. I am happier with a garden, chickens, pigs, goats (and hopefully a bunny or three soon), living on limited means, but being surrounded by more love than I have known since I was eighteen years old and living under my parents roof.
Thank you Grandma, for sharing my future with me before I even knew what my future would be. Thank you G-Man for accepting me as I am, loving me no matter what, making me happier than I have ever been in my life, completing me, accepting me and my son into your home and your life, and most importantly, for allowing me to love you as I have never and will never love another. For making me so durn happy that even as I write this my eyes well with tears of pure happiness. I love you beyond everything this life has to offer!